The death of a loved one is difficult for everyone, but it can be especially tough for teens who are already dealing with their own ups and downs of adolescence.
So how can you help your teen heal?
1. Grieving teenagers still want to be “normal.”
Most teens just want to fit in. So when a tragedy sets them apart, help them stick to routines.
2. Friends are very important, so it should come as no surprise that when it comes to teenage grief and loss they might lean more on peers than grown-ups. Allow them to do this, yet continue to encourage, do not force them to communicate with you. You do not want them to shut down.
3. Let a grieving teenager take the lead. It’s hard to know what to say to anyone that is grieving, It’s not helpful to try to direct what someone should do, say, or feel. Rather, follow their lead. Never force them to communicate. If they do, listen. If they don’t, just let them know you are there for them.
A support group may be the first step but not the only step needed The group allows a grieving teenager to talk about the person they’ve lost, to know they are not alone, and to have the chance to help others by sharing their own story.
4. Keep them busy. Give them a task so they feel involved and important. Preparing something to say at the memorial, making a poster or even designing a t-shirt is may help them feel useful.
5. Be honest. Many times out of the desire to protect our children, we’re not completely honest about a situation We sometimes do not give them enough credit for their strength and resilience. Lying to them today can lead to resentment tomorrow.
6. Watch out for signs of depression and suicide. Saying things like I want to die, too; self-medicating with drugs or alcohol; frequent angry outbursts, changes in grades, isolation, and long-term sadness are some of the things to look out for. You know your child, trust you gut, if you feel they are not ok, chances are they aren’t. Take the time to listen to what they are saying verbally and nonverbally.
This will not be an easy road for them. Let them know that you are available while continuing to give them space. As a parent you do not have to be the strong one and if needed, you too may ask for help.
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